Ep 5: Self-Care

Ep 5: Self-Care is here. Erin is pregnant and finally looking like it!! Erin and Kelly, with a HUGE dose of humour, chat about self-care when dealing with physical and mental limitations. Spoiler alert, we have some graphic detail and hang on ’till the end for Kelly’s description of “the sausage.” Check it out!

She had a baby!

Hello! Erin here, just coming out of the postpartum haze. Little Junior is just over four months old now and he’s pretty much the best baby ever. Smiling like crazy and generally sleeping… a bit…

Since we spent most of our time over the last year talking about my pregnancy, its only appropriate that I share the grande finale. After all efforts to have a natural birth in a local birthing centre, I didn’t go into labour… Yes you heard me, no labour. Crazy right?! I mean in some ways, awesome cuz I didn’t experience some of the horrible pain of contractions, just mild teasers. However it meant that after being a week overdue, Junior had to come out of my belly.

At my 41 week midwife appointment I mentioned there was some funny liquid just dripping slightly down my leg that morning. And if you don’t remember, I puked and peed my pants at one point, so this didn’t seem like a big deal. The midwives being the amazing health professionals that they are had to be thorough. They did a swab test for “ferning” which is literally looking for cells shaped like fern. These unique cells are only in amniotic fluid. Turns out that little dribble had some ferns… so off the hospital I went! We had a 24 hour window to deliver once there is a membrane rupture (aka water breaking).  So they did their best to chemically induce labour, the whole time monitoring Junior who was quite content.

Finally we had to throw in the towel cuz there was zero dilation of my cervix. The doctor gave me a choice, but it was pretty clear I needed to have a c section to avoid risk of infection. This was hands down the scariest moment of my life. Despite amazing doctors, midwives, and my awesome friend Kelly by my side, I still had to hold back the urge to bolt when they were sticking a needle into my spine while I was sitting up. Then they strapped me down on a table and put a sheet like a curtain right at my shoulders. Not the birth experience I’d dreamed of, but who gets that really. 

Since I was strapped down I couldn’t hold Junior right away or even see him when he came out of my abdomen. All I heard was the midwives say “is that red hair?” and Kelly poked her head over to tell me he was adorable. I love Kelly and my midwives, but all I could think was, give me my goddamn baby!

We shared a beautiful moment when a cleaned up little bundle was given to Kelly so she could stick him down her shirt and do “skin to skin” which is the recommended contact at birth. Kelly told me he had my ears haha. Finally when I could speak, I asked for him and the little guy whipped his head around to look for me. That hasn’t changed. Junior definitely knows his mom. He is a joy, most of the time, and has brought even more love into our house. Looking forward to sharing more of our antics soon!

Happy Anniversary!

Hello everyone! Erin here. So excited to be posting on our one year anniversary of Fashioning Families. That’s right, one year ago on Valentines day Kelly and I launched our first blog post. I had no idea I’d be 18 weeks pregnant at that point. Such a wonderful development. And today I go for an ultrasound to hopefully find out the gender of the little munchkin! Sorry, you’re going to have to wait to hear the news a little while longer.

Today I thought I’d update everyone on the experience thus far. There are so many milestones in this whole process. Hopefully we can support each other as we continue on this awesome journey.

First trimester was energy zap central. One of my dear friends said she “was a zombie for 3 months” and I can definitely relate. Just getting back and forth to work was a struggle. One day I actually couldn’t walk the 3-5 mins to the subway and had to call a ride to take me home. Was pretty surreal. And that other thing, the nausea. I wasn’t too sick, just when I ate too much too fast and my slower digestive system couldn’t keep up like before. But oh the carbs! I ate them day and night to keep my stomach from turning. The result: 15lbs gained in 12 weeks!

Now that I’m well into the second trimester (which starts around 14 weeks), I’m feeling more like myself. There was actually a night when I came home around 14 weeks where I noticed “hey, I don’t want to go straight to bed!” and it was glorious. The nausea has died down, and so has the weight gain. I’m around 18lbs gained now, which the midwife says is a-ok! However the belly is definitely showing and I’ve been into maternity pants for over a month. FYI, they are super comfy!







Strike Two

Erin here. Its official, my uterine lining is shedding and I’ve shed a few tears. No pregnancy this time. I think its important to share the humour but also the real struggles of this process. Honestly its awesome, and it sucks!


I feel like I’m a bit of a trail blazer and that can be both frustrating and isolating. All my straight friends who want to get pregnant have male partners who can deposit sperm on the regular. I get one shot. Mind you, its a medically supervised super shot… but its just one shot. And its an expensive shot, >$1200 each time. Now I’m not starting a pity party, cuz my queer friends are in the same boat as me, and I know there are plenty of people, queer and straight alike who suffer from infertility. And that sucks too. Let’s all give each other a big virtual hug!

I am so incredibly lucky to have my good friend Kelly. In many ways she provides the support I would otherwise get from a partner. She even sits beside me and does reiki while I’m getting shot up with sperm!

Single parents and prospective single parents, its tough to do this alone! We all need someone who is gonna tell us that everything is going to be ok. And I know it will be ok, one way or another, but its been a tough week.

Big hugs!

The Verdict

Hello Again, Erin here.

I caved on Friday morning and did a pregnancy test. Friday was day 24 in my cycle, approximately 4 days before I’m due to get my period. Early days, but the First Response package promised 96% accuracy. Minutes later the answer: Negative.

Saturday morning I had a quick visit to the clinic to have blood taken, then the real wait began. Blood tests are true confirmation. They can detect a trace of the hCG hormone in the body that is stimulated by implantation. Home pregnancy tests check the level of hCG in the urine, which takes time to build up.

I went home, made myself a half decaf espresso with steamed milk, and turned on a movie. Into the Forest, a disaster film about two sisters who learn to survive on their own in their isolated woodland home after a massive power outage. Safe right? No babies or pregnancy reminders…wrong! I really hoped the test was positive.

Just before I took my dog out for a walk I got the call.


It hung in the air. I felt like I was in a bit of a fog for the rest of the day. Didn’t want to talk about it with anyone. But the questions came in, and little by  little, it helped. So many people care. My mom called, my brother sent me the most kind text message “We’re sorry. We love you.” And I got a three-way hug (and wine) from my girlfriends that eve.

I’m lucky to have so many amazing people in my life. I’m ready to be a mom. It will happen. But its still ok to be sad right now.


The Twelve Week Rule

Hello All! Erin here!

Tomorrow I will go back to the clinic and get the verdict! They will do a blood test to see if I’m pregnant.

If I am pregnant, traditional rules say that I’m supposed to wait until the end of my first trimester just in case there is a problem with the pregnancy and/or I miscarry.


But rules are made to be broken!

I totally agree with this awesome article from the UK: Why we must shatter this pregnancy taboo: We’re told to keep pregnancies secret for 12 weeks. But that just means no one shares your pain if something goes wrong…

Now, many parents prefer to keep things within a close network of support, I’m all for that too. Just not suffering in silence. So many parents are hurting out there, and they think they are alone because no one talks about the loss of pregnancy.

It is a loss, it deserves to be grieved. 

I plan to blog it all. So if this insemination doesn’t take, you’ll hear about it. If it does and then I miscarry, I will join the ranks of so many brave women before me. And if I’m lucky enough to have a baby, well there’s months and months worth of details!

Stay tuned for the verdict!