We all need a loving kick in the pants sometimes. A little while ago there was a particularly difficult week concerning Ben. Eventually I just sent him down to Erin because I couldn’t deal anymore. He had not been helpful cleaning up the living room. I asked him to clean his room and when I checked on him he was playing. When I went back twice he was still playing. That was when I lost it, then he told me that I didn’t do anything and that he was “doing my dirty work.” Yeah I was done.
Once those emotional hooks get in there is no room for patience or calm. It didn’t help that this week we had to reprimand him for rough-housing with the baby and making some very unsafe choices. We had a talk about thinking through things. Then Erin caught him taking a pair of gardening sheers to the hall carpet…yeah. It was consequence city.
After the “dirty work” day Erin sat me down and started a difficult conversation. She was actually making some helpful suggestions of things she used to try and keep her own household from overwhelming her. I just felt a lot of shame and frustration and came away feeling pretty shitty about myself. I didn’t sleep that night and it took some time to process, but in hindsight those helpful suggestions were just what I needed.
Basically it amounted to, if there’s something you can do now and get it over with; Do it! That way when you come back to the kitchen or bathroom or pile of laundry you won’t feel shitty about the fact that it wasn’t done. Things like put the lid back on the peanut butter and put it into the cupboard, wash the dishes in the sink and make sure all the food is put away. Erin’s golden moment was when she said something like, I’m not saying this because you did anything wrong, I am saying this because I want things to be easier for you. Then she smiled and yelled “for fuck-sake put yourself first!”
So now when I think about the things I need to do, I think of them as an act of self-care, for fuck-sakes. I thought about it this morning as I was cleaning the kitchen and chopping some forgotten fruit. I was making a fruit salad to take care of myself and you can too. Try my recipe I will call this creation the….
For Fuck-Sake Fruit Salad
1-2 Granny Smith apples
1 cup strawberries
1 cup blueberries
1 cup raspberries
Hand full of fresh basil leaves
Squeeze the juice of two limes into a sealable bowl or Tupperware. Then slice orange and grapefruit and squeeze a little of the juice into the bowl. Cut out sections and add them. Slice Granny Smith apples and add with any fruit that happen to be hanging around. Add basil leaves, seal container and shake, shake señora! Refrigerate and toss before serving!
I particularly thought of myself as I washed the grapes and sliced them cleanly down the middle. I wasn’t going to but then I thought they look pretty and I’m doing this for me…for fuck-sake.
And you know it, it feels good!