Ep 4: Parenting and Co-Parenting is here. Erin and Kelly share adventures in co-parenting in sickness and in health…and hilarious six-year-old melt downs! Plus Erin updates us on the results of her third insemination. Check it out!
So how DO you select a sperm donor? This and the answer to many questions you never knew you had about sperm. Check it out!
Erin here. Its official, my uterine lining is shedding and I’ve shed a few tears. No pregnancy this time. I think its important to share the humour but also the real struggles of this process. Honestly its awesome, and it sucks!
I feel like I’m a bit of a trail blazer and that can be both frustrating and isolating. All my straight friends who want to get pregnant have male partners who can deposit sperm on the regular. I get one shot. Mind you, its a medically supervised super shot… but its just one shot. And its an expensive shot, >$1200 each time. Now I’m not starting a pity party, cuz my queer friends are in the same boat as me, and I know there are plenty of people, queer and straight alike who suffer from infertility. And that sucks too. Let’s all give each other a big virtual hug!
I am so incredibly lucky to have my good friend Kelly. In many ways she provides the support I would otherwise get from a partner. She even sits beside me and does reiki while I’m getting shot up with sperm!
Single parents and prospective single parents, its tough to do this alone! We all need someone who is gonna tell us that everything is going to be ok. And I know it will be ok, one way or another, but its been a tough week.
Big hugs!
Hello Friends! Erin Here.
Its been a while since we posted, but as some of you have seen on our instagram… things are happening!
I was inseminated on my cycle day 14, which was Friday June 23rd. This was a big week! It was my birthday on Wednesday and that same night Kelly and I signed papers to co-own a triplex! We will be each be living in apartments and are very excited to share our experiences as we move into communal living! More to come!
Check out the message on the calendar Kelly gave me for that day:
Today is cycle day 25. Normally I’d been antsy to check in and see if I’m preggers… but there is a more somber tone to the day for me and I’ve decided to wait for my period and share this with you.
Eleven years ago on this day, also a Tuesday, I sat by my father’s side in a hospital room while he passed away. It was a life changing day for me, as I’m sure you can imagine. I’ve often been accused of being “just like your father”, usually when I’m late, silly, charismatic, and the centre of attention. He was a larger than life musician and I miss him deeply. I really hope I will pass on his genes to another little musician… but only time will tell.
Today I am being gentle with myself, as you do when grief is in your face. Both Kelly and I have lost our fathers. Its something that deepens our bond with each other. I am reminded even more today how grateful I am for her, and all of my wonderful friends and family who support me.
Please enjoy today!
Hello Again, Erin here.
I caved on Friday morning and did a pregnancy test. Friday was day 24 in my cycle, approximately 4 days before I’m due to get my period. Early days, but the First Response package promised 96% accuracy. Minutes later the answer: Negative.
Saturday morning I had a quick visit to the clinic to have blood taken, then the real wait began. Blood tests are true confirmation. They can detect a trace of the hCG hormone in the body that is stimulated by implantation. Home pregnancy tests check the level of hCG in the urine, which takes time to build up.
I went home, made myself a half decaf espresso with steamed milk, and turned on a movie. Into the Forest, a disaster film about two sisters who learn to survive on their own in their isolated woodland home after a massive power outage. Safe right? No babies or pregnancy reminders…wrong! I really hoped the test was positive.
Just before I took my dog out for a walk I got the call.
NEGATIVE
It hung in the air. I felt like I was in a bit of a fog for the rest of the day. Didn’t want to talk about it with anyone. But the questions came in, and little by little, it helped. So many people care. My mom called, my brother sent me the most kind text message “We’re sorry. We love you.” And I got a three-way hug (and wine) from my girlfriends that eve.
I’m lucky to have so many amazing people in my life. I’m ready to be a mom. It will happen. But its still ok to be sad right now.
Hello! Erin here, recently inseminated with donor sperm.
That’s right, Insemination Day was yesterday, and my lovely comrade Kelly was with me every step of the way!
I received tons of supportive text messages from my amazing friends all morning. The love was fully felt! It really helped me to feel that I was making the right decision.
I have to admit, I was nervous. I thought I was SO prepared and ready, and that is probably still true, but this is kind of a big deal.
I went to the clinic on Saturday, then Sunday, each time checking my hormone levels with a poke in the arm and the number of follicles maturing in my ovaries with an ultrasound wand in my uterus.
On Sunday I was told to take a “trigger shot” which would stimulate ovulation within 36 to 48 hours. One small problem, I didn’t have one and it was a long weekend here in Toronto. Thank goodness for friends! I have a friend going through this process at the same time. She and her partner gave me a shot of hormones, delicious dinner, and wonderful company.
And voila! Tuesday morning I was ready to receive some sperm. I was super slow moving in the morning. It was like I was in a daze. SOOOO grateful to have Kelly there. She met me at the subway and she was practically jumping up and down. What a great energy for my zombie mode. Kelly held my arm on the way to the clinic and bought chocolate and tea for afterward. Best. Friend. Ever.
While in the waiting room, Kelly took matters into her own hands literally, moving a chair into the middle of the room so she could perform reiki on me. She continued throughout the procedure. I’ve decided she needs to add this to her practice!! It was so helpful!
We first saw the sperm in a vial as I was signing the consent forms. The lab assistant made a point of showing me the potency of the sample. “It’s 28 million” she said with a smile. I had no idea if that was good or bad. “It’s very good!” she said. The doctor later confirmed that they are happy with 10 million. So I had super sperm.
The procedure itself took maybe 15 minutes tops. The doctor used the speculum, as all women are familiar from our lovely PAP tests. They attached the syringe of sperm to a long tubular catheter and shot it in, right at my cervix.
Job done!
Afterward the doctor reiterated “I told you about the risk for multiples right?” Apparently I have three mature follicles that could release eggs, and several more that could catch up and become contenders. Only time will tell!
And now the waiting game!
Hey Everyone, Erin here!
I got an email this morning with a receipt for donor sperm. They verified that it has been shipped to the clinic. Next step, I go into the clinic tomorrow to see how my eggs are developing. So far so good! I got a voicemail this week from the clinic telling me “you are responding VERY well to the medication”, meaning my ovaries are producing follicles large enough to make a some eggs. Great!
Now, what do I do about my online dating profile? I’m actually curious what others think, so please feel free to respond in the comments!
Although I’m currently single, I’ve had some success with online dating. The last two men I’ve dated (both for about a year) have been from OkCupid and Tinder. Unfortunately, they didn’t work out. I don’t feel sad about this or anxious to jump into a new relationship. I’ve had great love! And I’m happy to build a family on my own. That doesn’t mean I don’t want a partner at some point. I just decided when my last relationship ended and I was 37, it was time to attend to that biological clock. But are dating and pregnancy mutually exclusive?
So what do I do now? I have no basis of comparison in my life. No one I know has done this before.
If I continue to date, at what point should I tell the prospective partner? Seems pretty full on to discuss on the first date. My experience has taught me that its not really a “relationship” until you are seeing each exclusively, and that doesn’t happen for a few months. My clock is ticking though. Perhaps we’ll see how the insemination goes before I make any decisions. Once I’m pregnant I may have a few more insights.
Let me know what you think!
Fashioning Families 
