Kelly here, how the heck are you? It’s been twelve months but who’s counting right? Everyone! At least we all have that in common. It’s been twelve months since that cancelled trip to Mexico, twelve months since the initial school closure and twelve months since I hung up my essential oils and temporarily retired from my clinic. Twelve months ago, how could anyone have known that we would be sitting here just trying to count the silver linings? However, keeping track of those silver linings has made it possible to say that Erin and I are doing okay even though isolation with children is like having an insane parrot glued to your shoulder.
Way back when things were “normal”, I remember going on a partially silent writing retreat. Even though I chose this isolation, I panicked and felt like the walls of my room were pressing in. You can’t run from your body, feelings, or needs when there is no longer any other external barometer to measure how you are doing. Nothing to distract you from your response to the situation. So, what do we need to do to cope?
At the writing retreat, as odd as it sounds, it was not to write. I was suddenly so keyed up by the fact that I was alone that I knew even if it was my intention to write, it was not what my body needed. At times like this I become intensely aware of the tools I have learned like mindfulness, mantra meditation, yoga, energy work and anything physical. Anything that allows me to feel like my body is a good place to be. Erin and I have embarked on a self-care mission to do just that in these stressful and unprecedented times. We are definitely working through the stages, Fashioning Families style!
Self-Care Stage One: May as Well
Stage one can take some time to establish, yet we over-estimate what we should be able to accomplish in a short amount of time. Erin and I took some time to figure out how we were going to collaborate in our new normal where we were functioning more a family unit than ever. It started with Erin working at home 9 to 5 and me doing the daycare.
We had to be realistic about our expectations and priorities. Our top priority was the house which now had to function as an office, kitchen, recreation area, daycare, and resting space. We went to town on identifying what we needed from our space. We put a second laundry in my apartment and we put Erin in the closet. Meaning Erin built a home office in her living room closet. Yup, that never gets old.
We needed to be careful with the food budget, that we were now contributing to along with our other house expenses. We decided on some healthy meal plans, which may have been eroded slightly by the amount of wine we consumed. I said it takes a long time!
Self-Care Stage Two: Making You a Good Place to Be
The second stage was to do all the self-care you can do to support initial changes. Are you sleeping enough to exercise? Have you carved out a time a space where you can meditate or exercise? Do you have someone other than yourself to be accountable to such as a family member, friend, colleague or therapist? It makes a huge difference when you become aware that you have support around you, even if you are not in the same room. Erin and I both love yoga and in particular Yoga with Adriene, so we committed to doing the 30 Day Yoga Journey in January 2021. It has now become a cornerstone of self-care for us, even if we miss a day or two. Our evenings often end in Erin’s living room on our yoga mats. We have started to refer it as our little yoga class that we look forward to after a hectic day. The intention is to “show up for yourself” as Adriene wisely says. I am proud to say that I can now do plank pose and catcher squat after an intense amount of squealing and grabbing my mat for balance, while Erin laughed her ass off from her perfectly stable pose!
Self-Care Stage Three: Rocking It in Stages
Now we are getting somewhere. This stage really broken into two sections; the shit I have to do and the shit I would really rather be doing. Both are equally helpful. We went back to the drawing board and made lists of things we have accomplished. One column had things like our wills, taxes, balancing my budget, purging stuff and remembering to floss daily. The other one for me was finding an online writing community, trying to date during a pandemic, using the fire pit finally (oh s’mores food of the Gods), attempting Star Wars marathon, using the skating rink across the street and potty-training Junior. Well, that last one was a little of column A and a little of column B.
Self-Care Stage Four: Failing Utterly
We also had to make room for failure. Erin always tells me this is a learning curve. Every success is usually preceded by a failure so yay us! These were the alternate things that didn’t always support our cause, but worked in the moment. So, not potty-training Junior when he stopped pooping, drinking too much wine which we order by the case now, dating during covid, and staying up too late watching Outlander or Bridgerton. Yes they are glorious failings that we have peppered our success with as sometimes things don’t work out, and sometimes you just need what you need (i.e. Claire in a corset and Jamie in a kilt).
That’s enough of us for now, how are you guys doing? What are the stages you have worked your way through? Fashioning Families wants to know!