Brotherly Love

The other night Ben and I were putting Junior to bed as Erin was working late. We splashed in the bath then picked out Junior’s fuzzy “per’damnies” as Ben likes to call them when he gets lazy about his pronunciation. Next we heated up the milk or rather the “moo” that Junior asked for, accompanied by the sign for “more.” Somewhere in the midst of that my heart melted when Ben said,

“Can I feed him his bottle, I want to cuddle.”

We are certainly all about the Love in our house. Erin and I knew going into this that we wanted our kids to develop and enjoy a sibling relationship but saying that is easy, waiting for it happen requires time. I think it started when Ben realized he finally had a playmate other than Erin and I. They could have their own clubs, their own games, their own secrets, even if Junior’s are still babble that sounds like “goo ba do du boo bah.” He always has an opinion.

And so we got the “moo” from the fridge and filled the bottle while Junior was wiggling on the kitchen floor saying “up, up, up”. We heated up the milk and took it to the bedroom. Ben climbed into the rocking chair and I popped Junior with his already dwindling milk onto his lap. Junior flopped back against his brother and contentedly sipped away.

That was it, that was the moment that I knew what Erin and I hoped for had occurred. The individual desire of our children to want to be with each other separate from our needs and wishes, and to have real comfort and affection for one another. They really are siblings and it is so comforting to know that no matter how life changes in the future they have developed that bond.

As a widowed mother it makes me feel so much more secure when there are other people around to support my son. I know that of course it is not just me, that I have tons of family on my and my late wife’s side that adore my son and would never let anything happen to him. However this is the everyday love, the love that wakes you up in the morning and wraps its arms around you before you have even gotten out of your per’damnies.

It is the love that is there when you have had a shit day and all you want around you are your people to talk about it, to hold you and reaffirm that they are there for you no matter what, day in and day out. It is our new-traditional, totally supportive, come what may love. I need a tissue…

She Drives Me Crazy!!

Kelly here and yes she did drive me crazy and no I am not talking about my steadfast friend and housemate Erin. I have been on a winding journey that felt more like I was a ping pong ball and life was the paddle that was spanking me! The task; learn to drive. My best cheerleader; Erin. And now after five damn tries I can final say I passed my G2 Drivers Test, I am officially a lesbian with a licence!

The start of this nerve wracking commute to adulthood began at Young Drivers. Actually it really started before I made the call to purchase my in class lessons, after the exhilarating realization that this was actually happening! If I had a dime for every bead of sweat I dropped over this whole ordeal I would be able to pay for a personal chauffeur, but I digress.

I have been a nervous driver since I was a teenager, I may have had an overdeveloped sense of self preservation. From the moment I failed my G Exit test I have been too afraid to get back into the drivers seat. When I moved to Toronto I figured I was in the land of public transit and would never need one. Cue the ironic overture of the single mom by chance. It was time, and with two growing boys to cart around I could not avoid it any longer.

The first time I got in the car with my sarcastic and highly amusing instructor Peter I had to pull over. I made a left turn at a busy intersection and nearly hyperventilated. Yet to my surprise, after just a few sessions I was more comfortable than I thought I would be. By the time we did mock testing with I was an A student! I loved his constant refrain when I pulled a beautiful parallel park or navigated the shenanigans of careless drivers:

“Nothing wrong with that!”

Fast forward to August 2019. Beautiful balmy morning ride with Peter to the Port Union Driver Examination Centre. I was sweating as we went to sign in. Unfortunately we were informed that most of the examiners were off “sick” and I could not be guaranteed an appointment before we had to go pick up my son from school. Strike one.

Fast forward to September 2019. Lovely fall day back at Port Union. I actually got to do the test this time! I did well but she failed me on a technicality. Erin assured and supported me like no tomorrow. Strike two.

Fast forward again to November 11, 2019 specifically. Why not rock it on the day my (driving) wife passed away? Make her proud! …. Then the icy blizzard rolled in that morning. Ben and I visited my mom so I could retake the test in Belleville (smaller town with less traffic). Too bad her winter tire appointment had been bumped. I was driving fine on the suddenly snow covered streets, until we pulled into the examination centre, or at least tried to as we slid sideways into a ditch. Tests were cancelled due to unsafe weather conditions… DUH!. Strike three.

Fast forward December 2019. Made it there! Failed. Realized I’m a great, safe driver but the pressure of test defeated me. The “she” who drives me crazy was the glinty eyed examiner who really didn’t help. Erin and my mom were both great about it, but may have had some interesting expletives to use when explaining this woman to others. Strike four.

Fast forward to February 2020. Gave myself a good talking to; I’m not here to make friends. I’m not even going to look at the examiner. I’m just here to get this damn thing done. I got the same sharp eyed examiner, nearly pooped my pants, then resolved not to let her freak me out. This time she told me “well, you passed the ministry standards” in an exasperated tone. Awww and I thought she didn’t recognize me from last time. Finally, mom and I went for a G and T. VICTORY!!!!!

I FaceTimed Erin and we had a very quiet freak out. She was on the streetcar coming back from Sick Kids Hospital as Junior had broken out into into a wicked case of hives! That evening Ben, she and Junior were all infected with something akin to the Norwalk virus. Once I got home I was the last lesbian standing and everyone had a “just in case bucket.”

And the moral of this story is…

Challenges of life will never stop. They just get more irritating and yucky the longer you have to wade through them. The thing that makes it bearable is your family. I must say I have so much love and joy in my heart for my family that sometimes I think it will burst.

Future challenges

Ben: Read a book on his own.

Junior: Learn to use even more words. Except I secretly want him to keep saying “die” when he means “bye”.

Erin: Finish editing Season Two of Fashioning Families without throwing computer through the window. Glad we have our producer Anika to help despite the fact she is a busy new mother!

Kelly: Speed dating…yipe.

Check out our special guest on Season 2!

Contest: Got Milk?

Hi All! Erin aka “The Milk Machine” here.

I was so incredibly lucky to have an ample supply of breast milk that I really wanted to give back. I know some women, including Kelly, have struggled to breastfeed and my heart really goes out to each of you! There is so much going on in those first few hours, days, weeks, months after you baby is born, and a lot of messages are given to new mothers about how to nurture this new little human (i.e. “breast is best”). So much pressure, plus whacky hormones and no sleep, all parents really deserve a medal!

I started freezing breastmilk in the first month and when a friend suggested that I could donate it, I jumped on the idea. The process to become a donor took me almost 5 months, with a few delays for doctors appointments, forms, and blood screening. They have to be strict, and even though it was a bit of a hassle I’m SO happy I did it. The nurses told me that my milk will be given to premies that weigh as little as 1 pound. Wow! I can’t even imagine what those parents go through. If I can make their lives even a tiny bit easier, that’s amazing!

Please check out the Rogers Hixon Ontario Human Milk Bank at Mount Sinai Hospital www.milkbankontario.ca to hear some inspiring stories! Be warned… there are tear jerkers!

How to Enter:

Using the photo above, guess the amount of frozen breast milk I donated. On Facebook, Instagram, and/or Twitter, tag a friend who you think would be interested in our podcast and enter your guess in the comments. You can enter as many times as you like, with unique tags and guesses. If you don’t have any of these social media accounts, no problem, enter through our blog contact page or comment below. Contest closes on March 1st, 2019!

Remember to listen to the bonus episode for an important hint!

Fashioning Families would like to thank our sponsors for our Got Milk contest! Check out their details below and all of the fun prizes to be won!

  • M Nails – 117 Danforth Ave. $25 gift certificate (aka free pedicure)

One gift certificate for a women’s cut and two certificates that can be used for either a men’s or a child’s or haircut. They run a queer positive space for all to enjoy!

Three pairs of Foot Traffic socks, two in sizes 10-1Y (ages 4-7) in “adorable hedgehog” and “yummy taco” patterns and one in size 12-5Y (ages 7 to 10) in a “pigs really do fly” pattern. They have nice flat seams for picky sock wearers and wash well.

Swimming With the Stars

Hi All, Kelly here,

There are benchmarks when you arrive at something and the situation suddenly feels more significant than the literal interpretation. Ever since those hours in swimming lessons Ben has become a diving, fluttering machine. So when we head down to Regent Park Community pool its a real treat. The water slide doesn’t hurt either. However this was not just any old buoyant family outing.

Erin healed up from from the cesarean business (feeling so much sympathy for that) and she wanted to take Junior swimming. It was a painful ordeal for Erin to abstain from the lake in August during our cottage trip, so she was raring to go. I was sure Junior would love it as he has a laugh and a half at bath time, creating a small tsunami in the baby tub.

At first he was not convinced about the cold air and the the loud echoing room, but as soon as he hit the water he pretty much lost his mind with excitement. As Ben dove for rings floating up and down like a wounded fish and Junior was splashing and swooshing, that is when Erin thought she recognized someone in the pool. She couldn’t place them at first until she, The Walking Dead fan, knew where she was from. Just like that we were swimming with the stars!

The beautiful actress in question was ogling Junior in his cuteness and we chatted with her while her family swam around us. Under her gaze I felt even more like a family unit. It was a peaceful feeling and everyone’s joy just accentuated that.

As Erin went to throw rings for Ben, I got Junior and we puttered around the pool, swishing his little legs in my current. Making faces and over exaggerated moves my little star fish rewarded me with the quintessential wide smile and infectious giggle. That’s when I felt it, my heart melted.

I know it was our intention to “fashion” our own family but suddenly, emotionally it felt like we actually had. I love Junior, he feels like mine just as Erin feels like Ben is hers. They are ours and being there together cemented a beautiful feeling between us. This is what our boys will know, two parent figures who love and support them, a wide community of family and friends and a home that feels…like home.

Now it’s you turn: so you tell us, we love stories at Fashioning Families. What have been your most memorable family times?

Ep 5: Self-Care

Ep 5: Self-Care is here. Erin is pregnant and finally looking like it!! Erin and Kelly, with a HUGE dose of humour, chat about self-care when dealing with physical and mental limitations. Spoiler alert, we have some graphic detail and hang on ’till the end for Kelly’s description of “the sausage.” Check it out!