She Drives Me Crazy!!

Kelly here and yes she did drive me crazy and no I am not talking about my steadfast friend and housemate Erin. I have been on a winding journey that felt more like I was a ping pong ball and life was the paddle that was spanking me! The task; learn to drive. My best cheerleader; Erin. And now after five damn tries I can final say I passed my G2 Drivers Test, I am officially a lesbian with a licence!

The start of this nerve wracking commute to adulthood began at Young Drivers. Actually it really started before I made the call to purchase my in class lessons, after the exhilarating realization that this was actually happening! If I had a dime for every bead of sweat I dropped over this whole ordeal I would be able to pay for a personal chauffeur, but I digress.

I have been a nervous driver since I was a teenager, I may have had an overdeveloped sense of self preservation. From the moment I failed my G Exit test I have been too afraid to get back into the drivers seat. When I moved to Toronto I figured I was in the land of public transit and would never need one. Cue the ironic overture of the single mom by chance. It was time, and with two growing boys to cart around I could not avoid it any longer.

The first time I got in the car with my sarcastic and highly amusing instructor Peter I had to pull over. I made a left turn at a busy intersection and nearly hyperventilated. Yet to my surprise, after just a few sessions I was more comfortable than I thought I would be. By the time we did mock testing with I was an A student! I loved his constant refrain when I pulled a beautiful parallel park or navigated the shenanigans of careless drivers:

“Nothing wrong with that!”

Fast forward to August 2019. Beautiful balmy morning ride with Peter to the Port Union Driver Examination Centre. I was sweating as we went to sign in. Unfortunately we were informed that most of the examiners were off “sick” and I could not be guaranteed an appointment before we had to go pick up my son from school. Strike one.

Fast forward to September 2019. Lovely fall day back at Port Union. I actually got to do the test this time! I did well but she failed me on a technicality. Erin assured and supported me like no tomorrow. Strike two.

Fast forward again to November 11, 2019 specifically. Why not rock it on the day my (driving) wife passed away? Make her proud! …. Then the icy blizzard rolled in that morning. Ben and I visited my mom so I could retake the test in Belleville (smaller town with less traffic). Too bad her winter tire appointment had been bumped. I was driving fine on the suddenly snow covered streets, until we pulled into the examination centre, or at least tried to as we slid sideways into a ditch. Tests were cancelled due to unsafe weather conditions… DUH!. Strike three.

Fast forward December 2019. Made it there! Failed. Realized I’m a great, safe driver but the pressure of test defeated me. The “she” who drives me crazy was the glinty eyed examiner who really didn’t help. Erin and my mom were both great about it, but may have had some interesting expletives to use when explaining this woman to others. Strike four.

Fast forward to February 2020. Gave myself a good talking to; I’m not here to make friends. I’m not even going to look at the examiner. I’m just here to get this damn thing done. I got the same sharp eyed examiner, nearly pooped my pants, then resolved not to let her freak me out. This time she told me “well, you passed the ministry standards” in an exasperated tone. Awww and I thought she didn’t recognize me from last time. Finally, mom and I went for a G and T. VICTORY!!!!!

I FaceTimed Erin and we had a very quiet freak out. She was on the streetcar coming back from Sick Kids Hospital as Junior had broken out into into a wicked case of hives! That evening Ben, she and Junior were all infected with something akin to the Norwalk virus. Once I got home I was the last lesbian standing and everyone had a “just in case bucket.”

And the moral of this story is…

Challenges of life will never stop. They just get more irritating and yucky the longer you have to wade through them. The thing that makes it bearable is your family. I must say I have so much love and joy in my heart for my family that sometimes I think it will burst.

Future challenges

Ben: Read a book on his own.

Junior: Learn to use even more words. Except I secretly want him to keep saying “die” when he means “bye”.

Erin: Finish editing Season Two of Fashioning Families without throwing computer through the window. Glad we have our producer Anika to help despite the fact she is a busy new mother!

Kelly: Speed dating…yipe.

Check out our special guest on Season 2!

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